What Does It Really Mean to Process Your Feelings? A Friendly Guide From Your Friendly Therapist
Introduction
We’ve all heard the phrase “process your feelings” tossed around (especially on social media), but let’s be honest—what does it even mean? It sounds like something you’d hear from a wellness podcast host with a soothing voice, but how do you actually do it? If you’re feeling a little fuzzy on the details, you’re not alone!
As a therapist, I often get asked, “So, how exactly do I process my emotions? Do I need a spreadsheet for this?” (Short answer: Nope! No spreadsheets required.) In this post, we’re going to break down what it really means to process your feelings in a way that’s easy, relatable, and hopefully a little fun. Spoiler alert: You might already be doing some of it without realizing!
What Does It Mean to Process Feelings?
In simple terms, processing feelings means understanding what’s going on inside you and figuring out how to deal with it in a healthy way. It’s like emotional housekeeping. You wouldn’t let laundry pile up for months without sorting it, right? Anyone else just leave it in the dryer and take it out when needed? (Okay, maybe sometimes you would… No judgment!) But eventually, you tackle that pile because if you don’t, it just keeps growing. Feelings are kind of the same way—they need to be sorted out so they don’t end up cluttering your emotional space. You can only sweep so much under the rug before we trip over it.
Instead of folding clothes, though, you’re acknowledging your feelings, understanding where they’re coming from, and finding a way to move through them. When you process emotions, you’re not just shoving them under the rug. You’re giving them space, letting them breathe, and then deciding what to do with them.
Many of my clients are fearful of their emotions and I remind them that the purpose of our emotions is to give us information. When you don't process your emotions, they can linger unresolved, manifesting as chronic stress, anxiety, or depression. Emotional processing is a key aspect of maintaining mental health and resilience.
Why Processing Your Feelings Matters
Keeps You From Feeling Like a Soda Bottle About to Explode: Ever feel like you’re bottling up so many emotions that one more tiny thing will make you pop? Processing your feelings helps you let out that emotional pressure so you don’t explode at an innocent bystander for no reason. No more lashing out at others for asking you a simple question.
It’s Good for Your Mental Health: Shoving emotions aside might seem like a quick fix, but over time, they can pile up and turn into bigger issues like anxiety or burnout. Processing your feelings is like mental health maintenance—keeping things running smoothly.
Your Relationships Will Thank You: When you’re in touch with your emotions, you communicate better with others. Instead of snapping at your friend for texting “K” instead of “okay,” you’ll be able to express what’s really bugging you. And who doesn’t love clearer communication?
You’ll Get to Know Yourself Better: Processing feelings isn’t just about solving problems in the moment. It’s also about learning more about who you are and what makes you tick. Over time, you’ll notice patterns, triggers, and maybe even some cool insights about yourself. Self-discovery, anyone?
Common Myths About Processing Emotions
“Processing emotions = overthinking.” Nope! Not even close! Overthinking means getting stuck in an endless loop of “what-ifs” and “maybes,” without actually getting anywhere. This stalls progress and can prevent us from moving forward. Processing emotions is more about understanding what you’re feeling and why, without spiraling into the overthink abyss.
“You’ve got to talk it all out.” While talking things out can definitely help, it’s not the only way to process emotions. You might prefer writing in a journal, doodling, or even taking a walk to sort through your thoughts. I personally love to process my feelings on a yoga mat or at the punching bag at the gym.
“Once you process an emotion, you’re done with it.” Not quite. Processing emotions is a little more like doing the dishes—you might get through the pile today, but you’ll probably have more to deal with tomorrow. It’s an ongoing practice, not a one-time fix.
How to Actually Process Your Feelings (Without Losing Your Cool)
Name It to Tame It: Step one is to figure out what you’re feeling. Sometimes, emotions show up as physical sensations—a tight chest, a headache, or that nervous flutter in your stomach. Take a moment and ask yourself, “What’s going on here?” Giving your feelings a name (anger, sadness, excitement) helps you get a handle on them. Bonus points for being specific—there’s a big difference between being “mad” and being “frustrated because I spilled coffee on my favorite shirt.” Ask your therapist for a feelings and sensation wheel is you need help with this!
Be Your Own Emotional Support: After you’ve identified what you’re feeling, remind yourself that it’s okay to feel that way. Validate yourself. Be kind to yourself about what you’re feeling. Too often, we judge our emotions or try to brush them aside. But feelings are like waves—they crest and trough , and they’re all part of being human. So give yourself a break, and don’t worry if your emotions seem a little messy. As Elizabeth Gilbert says “Embrace the Glorious Mess that You Are!”
Dig a Little Deeper: Try to figure out what’s really causing the emotion. Maybe you’re not just annoyed that your friend canceled plans—you’re actually feeling lonely or disappointed. Digging deeper can help you understand the real issue, and once you know that, it’s easier to figure out what to do next.
Let It Out (In a Healthy Way): Processing emotions doesn’t mean bottling them up—it means finding a way to express them. Whether it’s writing in a journal, going for a run, or having a good cry, let yourself feel what you’re feeling. It’s all part of the process.
Reflect, Don’t Ruminate: Once the wave of emotion has passed, take a moment to reflect on what you’ve learned. What made you feel that way? How did you handle it? What would you do differently next time? This reflection is key to growing and getting better at handling emotions in the future.
Move Forward: After you’ve processed your feelings, give yourself permission to move forward. This does NOT mean you’re “over it” or that everything’s fixed—it just means you’re ready to focus on something else for now. Don’t carry old emotions around like a backpack full of bricks!
Signs You’re Not Processing Your Emotions (Yet)
You feel stuck in a particular emotion, like anger or sadness, for longer than seems reasonable.
You avoid certain people, situations, or conversations because you know they’ll bring up tough emotions.
You find yourself reacting to small things in big ways (snapping at your partner for leaving socks on the floor, for example).
You notice patterns in your behavior or relationships but feel like you can’t break out of them.
How Therapy Can Help With Emotional Processing
Sometimes, we all need a little extra help figuring out our feelings, and that’s where therapy comes in. A therapist can help you dig into those deeper emotions, give you tools to process them, and provide a safe space to work through whatever comes up. Think of it as having a guide for your emotional journey—someone who’s there to help you navigate tricky feelings with care and understanding.
Conclusion
Processing your feelings doesn’t have to be a chore. It’s a lifelong skill that gets easier the more you practice, and it’s one of the best ways to take care of your mental health. By learning to acknowledge, explore, and release your emotions, you’re setting yourself up for a happier, healthier life—one where you’re not weighed down by unprocessed emotional baggage.