Why "Strong, Not Skinny" Can Be Toxic: A Therapist’s Take on the Catchphrase We Thought Was Healthy
Or…Yet another attempt at diet culture trying to be less sneaky…
As a therapist who’s also firmly anti-diet and has helped many break up with yo-yo dieting and making peace with their bodies, I often work with clients who are caught up in the latest “wellness” trends and body standards. One phrase I hear a lot these days is "strong, not skinny." On the surface, it seems positive, even empowering. After all, who doesn't want to feel strong? But when we take a closer look, this mantra can still uphold some of the same toxic shit as the "thin is in" mindset—just in a different outfit.
The “Strong, Not Skinny” Mantra Sounds Good, But What’s the Real Message?
First off, let’s acknowledge why this phrase gained traction. The fitness industry, tired of promoting extreme thinness, began to shift toward celebrating strength over skinniness. We started seeing fitness influencers trading in juice cleanses for protein shakes, flexing muscles rather than thigh gaps. This seemed like a move in the right direction, with the focus appearing to be less based on appearance. If you are starting to feel personally attacked now, please take a breath and get curious about the feelings coming up for you. I recognize I am also a part of the fitness industry with being a yoga teacher and I can see first hand many of the issues that come as a result of the diet and fitness industries.
But here’s the catch: despite a seemingly more positive angle, "strong, not skinny" can still push people toward unrealistic, restrictive, and often harmful ideals. Instead of focusing solely on thinness, we're now expected to achieve both leanness *and* defined muscles. Let’s be real…. when people are posting “strong not skinny” they are still wanting to be skinny. It should be “strong and skinny” if they are being honest with themselves. Not many individuals want to be “strong and fat!” And when we frame one type of body as more "valuable" or "ideal" than another, we’re still stuck in a toxic cycle of body comparison and shame.
It’s Not Really About Health
When we dig deeper, the “strong, not skinny” mantra often isn’t truly about health. It’s about looking strong. The images associated with this slogan don’t typically show diverse bodies—people of all sizes, ages, and abilities who are strong. The chances of seeing a body like mine being featured for a “strong not skinny” post are slim to none. Instead, we’re flooded with images of lean, sculpted bodies that still reflect a very narrow view of health and beauty. The message often becomes: “You’re only strong if you look a certain way.” This can make people feel guilty, ashamed, or "not enough" if they don't fit this mold.
“Strong, Not Skinny” Can Lead to Just Another Form of Dieting
As an anti-diet therapist, I see how these messages impact people’s mental health. Eating disorders have one of the highest mortality rates of mental illness. Disordered eating and eatings disorders are rampant in our world. When people strive to be “strong,” they often adopt restrictive eating and rigorous workout routines—not because they want to feel strong and capable, but because they’re still chasing an idealized body. The result? People end up on restrictive eating patterns and intense exercise regimens that feel eerily similar to dieting. But wellness culture will just call this a “lifestyle.” Lifestyle, diet, tomato, tomahto. It’s the same thing. This isn’t freedom from body shame; it’s just body shame in a new outfit. Nice try diet culture!
It’s Time to Embrace Body Diversity and Redefine Strength
Strength is diverse. True strength doesn’t always look a certain way, and it certainly doesn’t come in just one size. If we want to help people feel truly empowered in their bodies, we need to embrace a wider view of what strength can be—both physically and mentally. I believe the 2024 Summer Olympics in Paris began to showcase different bodies of world class athletes. Thank you especially to Ilona Maher, what I would have given to have you around when I was in my teens and young adulthood! If you are not familiar with her, please immediately start to follow her on IG!
Maybe for some, strength is lifting heavy weights; for others, it might mean walking up a flight of stairs without feeling winded. Sometimes, strength is saying “no” to body-shaming social media messages, choosing rest over workouts, or feeling confident in a body that society doesn’t label as "ideal." That’s strength.
Let’s Move Toward Body Neutrality
The concept of body neutrality offers a refreshing alternative to toxic fitness mantras, including body positive. Rather than trying to force yourself into a "strong" or "skinny" box, body neutrality encourages you to appreciate your body for what it does, rather than how it looks. It’s about respecting your body’s needs, capabilities, and boundaries, rather than constantly pushing it to conform to an external ideal. It’s focusing on what your body can do versus what it looks like. Function over aesthetic. It’s not always loving your body but being at peace with it and treating it with kindness.
Final Thoughts: Redefining Strength on Our Own Terms
As a therapist, I encourage my clients—and anyone reading—to approach body and health goals in a way that’s truly aligned with self-care, not with society’s version of the "perfect" body. Strength is personal and unique to each of us, as is health. Maybe real strength isn’t about pushing your body to its limits but rather listening to it, honoring it, and finding ways to feel good within it—whatever that looks like for you.
By unpacking phrases like “strong, not skinny,” we open the door to a more inclusive conversation about health, wellness, and body positivity. So, let’s give ourselves permission to redefine strength on our own terms, without labels or limits.